The Opinionated Foodie: The Love (or Not) of Food and Everything That Goes with It


High Hopes Dashed: Baconnaise

I was shopping at Kroger a while back. Just a normal, regular ol’ shopping trip. While looking for the spicy mustard, I came across what could have been a gift from The Lord above.

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Baconnaise.

If a better idea has ever been thought, I am not aware of it.

The line on the bottle states that everything should taste like bacon. Isn’t it the truth? Isn’t bacon the most perfect food in the world? I mean, it’s got flavor, chewiness, crispness, and saltiness. It’s got all the best -ness words!

I had to have it. I bought one for me and a few as gifts. Seriously.

I gave one to a student of mine as a token of my appreciation for all she does for me. She was excited and rightfully so. Baconnaise is bacon in a spreadable fashion. Genius, I say, and she agreed. She later told me that it was great on crackers, and she was planning on broadening her Baconnaise repertoire. I couldn’t wait to start mine.

So, one day I did. At lunch, we were having sandwiches with chips and dip. The Baconnaise was brought to the table. I had to experience this gift from above for myself.

The result? Blech. I think my student told me about the crackers just to be nice. I was pretty sure one bite was enough, and the flavor was one that I figured I would be retasting all day.

Oh, well. If there is anyone who can improve on this idea, do.

I think humanity needs this. Delicious pork in a spreadable form so we can make everything taste like bacon.

Dare to dream…

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