The Opinionated Foodie: The Love (or Not) of Food and Everything That Goes with It


How to Make Banana Pudding in One Hundred Steps or Less

1. Decide to make banana pudding for the hubs and Miss Helper. And Mr. Picky, if he will eat it.
2. Search for recipe. Consider it unbelievable that there is not one in any of the cookbooks in the whole house. How can this be? Decide that it is just supposed to be known-in the blood, if you will. Decide to wing it.
3. Grocery shop-bananas, bite-size vanilla wafers, cook and serve pudding. Debate about banana pudding or vanilla. Go with banana because it is fun to spell the word banana.
4. Announce to the fam that banana pudding will be served someday.
5. Watch the fam wait for the banana pudding.
6. Answer a thousand times, “No, I don’t know if I will make the banana pudding today or not.”
7. Decide to make the banana pudding.
8. Line the bottom of a red casserole with the vanilla wafers. Pick red since it will pretty with the yellow banana pudding. Hand Mr. Picky a vanilla wafer just to see what happens. Watch in amazement as he eats it while explaining the finer points of ninjas.


9. Debate with the hubs about which is the better part of the banana pudding-the bananas or the vanilla wafers. Become pleasantly surprised when you agree that the best part of the whole thing is the bananas. Marriage saved.
10. Thinly slice two bananas and layer them over the vanilla wafers.


11. Cook the pudding with 2 1/2 cups of cream and 1/2 cup of milk. Stir, stir, stir. Wonder how long to stir until it becomes banana gravy. Decide five minutes with very little boiling is good.
12. Set aside to cool a little.
13. Play Words with Friends while waiting.
14. After a round or two of WWF and a little Facebook, pour the cooled pudding over the bananas and vanilla wafers. Place in refrigerator.
15. Make the meringue for the top instead of whipped cream since all the cream just went in the pudding.
16. Separate four eggs.
17. Debate with kids that now is not a good time for Mommy to hide Easter eggs because of this meringue situation and the fact that Easter was four days ago.
18. Feel bad for wasting four egg yolks.
19. Beat the living stew out of the four egg whites with a hand mixer. Wonder how much longer until arm turns blue.
20. When peaks form that don’t droop, add four tablespoons of sugar and beat more.
21. Add a half tablespoon of vanilla. Hope a half is enough.
22. Spread meringue on pudding. Decide not to fluff it too much. Simple will do.
23. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Remember the first meringue and hope this is enough time.
24. Beebop around the house for twenty minutes.
25. Pull the banana pudding with meringue out of the oven and exclaim to no one in particular, “Look at that meringue!” Stand alone in awe. Wish for a foodie neighbor.


26. Decide to eat it hot as opposed to letting it cool. Decide that is a bad idea and a hot mess. Eat the evidence. Return the banana pudding to the refrigerator.
27. Hand Mr. Picky another vanilla wafer. Watch as lightning strikes twice. Decide not to tell him what he is eating.
28. Decide this list is long enough. Give in and eat the banana pudding runny.
29. Decide warm banana pudding made in twenty-nine steps (give or take) is actually not that bad even if it is warm and runny.
30. Live happily ever after. Or at least until the next time another bright idea for a food with no recipe comes along.

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