The Opinionated Foodie: The Love (or Not) of Food and Everything That Goes with It


The Jello Incident: The Day I Almost Made It To Be a Lunchlady

I made my first jello salad today complete with suspended fruit. I felt like a lunch lady from my elementary school days in the cafeteria.

I kinda liked it.

I had a watermelon jello salad recipe that sounded interesting and we were having a gathering at my mother’s house, so I decided to try it. The interesting thing about it was that it called for the juice of a watermelon. As in, I was supposed to juice a watermelon. Watermelons, as with everything else under the sun, cost an arm and a leg these days. I wasn’t about to spend eight dollars and make a huge mess just to get watermelon juice.

So, I did what any good lunch lady would do. I improvised.

I searched high and low for watermelon jello. I know there is such a thing, but I couldn’t find it. Frustrating. I made do with cherry. Close enough, right?

I mixed it with two cups of hot water and two cups of cold white grape juice. Then, I added one cup of white grapes that I had halved and one sliced peach. I stuck the half-done salad in the frig until it set.

Now, I pride myself of going out on a limb food wise. I like to try new stuff whenever possible. This recipe-a whole new set of weird.

Jello Salad

Before we left today for the lunch with family, I piled my jello with crumbled feta and mint leaves. It was really pretty, if I do say so myself. I felt pretty confident about my first ever jello salad.

Welp, here comes the sad part. We got there, and everyone kept talking about the jello. I was thinking how cool my fancy jello must be.

“Look, Billy! Jello!” I thought my jello salad and I were the stuff.

Until I fixed my plate, and I saw my jello. Maybe two servings of it were gone.

Yep, my jello wasn’t cool at all.

Unfortunately (for me at least), I wasn’t the only one to bring jello. My uncle’s wife also made jello salad. Hers also had suspended fruit. Hers, however, did not have weird cheese and chopped herbs on top. I also would guess that she did not have to contemplate juicing a watermelon for hers. Her topping? Reddi-whip in a can.

Simple. And everyone loved it.

Jello Salad-The Loser

My poor, miserable, barely touched jello went home with me. I shot it down the disposal in a sad flourish.

Turns out that I would make a terrible lunch lady.

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